Kaddish to the life
not lived
The mourning dialogue of a young greek jew just before she gets hunged at
Autshwich-Birgenaou, in October 1944.
Dedicated to the unborn jewish children that
were lost in the Holocaust.
By Michael Kokkinaris
Act I
The riot
The scene is in the interior of a prison cell.
In the centre of the scene is the door of the cell and on the right of the
spectator a wooden bench.
The door opens and with violent way a young woman is pushed into the
cell
falling on the floor, in the centre of the scene, facing
the audience.
She wears the characteristic striped uniform with the yellow star, while
little blasts of a machine-gun are heard for a while.
The woman raises herself slowly and goes to closed door of
cell, as if she
wants to see from the small window at the upper part of the door.
A blast of a machine-gun is heard and the woman with a movement of
terror, as if she wants to avoids the blast, turns towards the
audience
and monologues.
SARAH
Ruth sweetheart
you were not right afterall…
Sarah,you used
to tell me,death is a farewell
a journey into
the loneliness of one’s self…
You embrace it
better,when your eyes do not gaze upon another,the moment that they close once
and for all!
And me,Sarah
Nachmia,I answered you in all stubbornness,it’s the truth,that I don’t want to
leave,without the feeling of a kiss on the lips,all alone,among lonely and
deserted beings,with my nails hooked to the wall of the chamber,while the gas
will be ripping my guts out….
Sarah as if Ruth is present and has turned her back to her
"grabs" her shoulder and forces her to turn and look at her.
SARAH
Look into
my eyes Ruth!
Look at me
please!
When I confessed
to you that I love
Jacque (with
anger), you looked at me in all
irony and
you told me, yes, yes,
I remember it
very well, you told me, that love
cannot be in a
scenery of death...
There can only
be thirst for
life...
And I Sarah
Nahmia, I was
that water
that Jacque wanted so much
in order to
quench his thirst...
This is what you
told me...
Liar!
Ruth, Jacque
loved me!
No my mistake,
my dear, Jacque still loves me...
And if you are
still in doubt,just listen to
him...
he is right here
by my side and wants
to tell
you something so that you can be
sure!
Sarah embrasses "Jacque" tightly and leans her head to his
"shoulder" and says to him whispering
SARAH
Honey,
sing for
Ruth,
so that I can
hear your voice.
Loneliness
scares me..Time scares me till I’m next to you!
Sing my
darling!
Sarah without changing her poise, leaning on "Jacque's" shoulder
sings.
"Let me get lost
inside the
colour of your eyes!
Let me dream
the taste of
your kisses!
You are the
Circe of the world…
and the world’s
wave washed me ashore,
so that I can
become ashes
and be
lost forever!
But if ashes
shall I become
and the wind
blows me away from you,
then I will turn
into a drop of rain,
so that I can be
next to you once again!"
When Sarah finishes the song, as if she awoke, worried she shouts, turning
around herself as if she is looking for a shadow.
Where are
you Jacque?
I can’t see you!
Don’t leave me
waiting until dawn!
Where are you my
love?
When she is disappointed that she does not see "Jacque" Sarah
kneels
and raises her hands as if she prays to Heaven and says almost whispering.
Μιζμόρ λε Νταβίντ.
(A phalm of David)
Γιαχβέ ροϊ,λο εσχάρ,
(The Lord is my shepherd;I shall
not want)
μπινόθ ντεσέ γιαρμπιτσένι,
He maketh me to lie down in green
pastures.
αλμέ μενουχώθ γιεναχαλένι.
He leadeth me beside the still
waters.
Then Sarah as if she feels that behind her is Jacque, she gets up she hugs
the shadow and seems to hear his voice that sings.
"If you
love me,let me know,
I swear I never
meant to hurt you
I wish I could
hold you in my arms
Just to let you
know that I care
I can’t stop
wishing you were a part of me
I can’t stop
wishing you were here with me now.
If I were
fortunate enough to wake next to you every morning until my dying day.
What if I
became dust in the wind
I will be the
wind and the breeze in your heart"
Sarah making a semicircle around herself, making "Jacque"
follow her and "holding" him in her arms, tells him.
Sarah
Being far away
from each other ? No,now it’s not the time,
love of my life!
Embrace me,hold
me tight and breathe upon me…
Are you afraid
that the guard will see us?
Come on,my love!
(with sweetness)
You are not
afraid of anything!
I am afraid
Jacque...
I was always
afraid of the fury with which I loved you
I was always
afraid of the end,Jacque..
Love despair!
But,you were
right…
What did you ask
for?
Be together and
fight the ghosts of madness and despair…that’s all you ask of
me!
A little black
powder, rags for you to
make a
wick...and courage to die
with
dignity!
Courage you
found it, you had it
in your eyes
from the first moment
that they looked
at me.
I felt it in my
lips while you were kissing
me!
You told me over
and over again that in
the gas the
roots of our people die...
In Vistula they
throw the ashes of our
parents...the
vampires that were given birth
by black soil...
They drown our
lamentations while listening to
"Lilli
Marlen"!
"Lilli Marlen",is heard in German while
Sarah closes her ears with her hands.
"Vor der Kaserne bei dem grosen
Tor. Stand eine Laterne und steht
sie noch davor.
So wollen wir uns da wieder seh?n.
Bei der Laterne wollen wir steh?n.
Wie einst, Lili Marleen.
Wie einst, Lili Marleen."
When the German song finishes Sarah as if she is alone now,says with a low
voice, looking at the floor
Deep down Jacque I didn’t really believe that you
meant it!
It was my
mistake…
you really did
mean it,you and all the others who transformed
their despair
into bullets and died standing
while looking
eye to eye
the fully armed
beasts
of the hell
of Birkenau!
And it was I the
fool,who gave you the
black powder for
you to fly away!
Sarah as if she perceives for the first time that she did something bad,she
closes her two hands making them punches and hitting on her chest she shouts...
SARAH
Ah,poor me
what have I done!
I killed you
with my own hands...
Jacque what have
I done,I am a
murderess!
I was the one
who armed your
killer!
It is my fault my
dear...I should have
stopped you!
But how was I to
stop you Jacque Menahem?
You were a man,
and I was Sarah Nahmia,
just a little
girl..
a girl
weak,little and in love
I feel as if I
hear you still singing
"there’s a
restlessness and a fire which burn my heart
if only I had a
little black powder so I could fly away!"
And I the fool
kept answering you.
"I will
leave in your arms the roses
of my love...
Just reach out
your hand and touch my heart!"
Sarah,
the roses of my
love...
my frail body,
which I didn’t have to give
you.
my barren
innards that will never give birth..
what was left of
the gunpowder,was enough to fill my two fingers…
That was all
that I was able to gather…
Sarah, with charade, gathers from the floor with her two
fingers "gun powder", hides it in her pockets and then gathers
" threads ", spins them and makes them small bobbins. Then she monologues.
Sarah
Oh and threads,
so many little threads to make a wick and fly away from me!
Now Sarah moves to the edge of the stage, sits down and monologues, shaking
her head with dispair
Sarah
What have I done
to you Jacque Menahem, my love!
Me and my
friends that we'll meet in the morning, all together, by looking up the place
that you were tortured with dignity, singing loud with your voice in our
national anthem.
Sarah gets up suddenly and with one move she rips from the side of her
uniform one more rag, the back side of which is a small greek flag and as she
kisses it, she chants with a low trembling voice.
"Σε γνωρίζω από την
κόψη,του σπαθιού την τρομερή,
σε γνωρίζω από την όψη,
που με βιά μετράει τη γη!
Απ'τα κόκκαλα βγαλμένη των ελλήνων τα ιερά και σαν πρώτα αντρειωμένοι
χαίρε,ω χαίρε ελευθεριά!"
Mashine gun
shots are heard and many explosions.
Sarah as if she wants to get away from this runs up and donw the stage and
shouts.
Sarah
Jacque Menahem,
Joseph Varuh, Aaron Bartzilah, Matis Bitali and the rest of you, the many of
you, stop!
What are you
planning to do?
The Germans
know...
They are waiting
for you...hundreds of Germans!
Machine guns
take away your youth, take away your unborn children!
I can hear your
cries, I can see your bodies on the wires.
Sarah in silence moves with slow steps on the stage, staying speechless for
a few seconds.
Then with a voice full of dispair she says.
Sarah
The
crematorium ΙΙ is down.
There is no one
alive to mourn for the killed ones!
And I want
to scream to tear my fleshless flesh but my voice won't
come out neither blood from my wounds!
I am tired of
waiting for the time of my death...
To breathe the ash of my parents!
Sarah crosses
and uncrosses her hands on her body with her fists tighten and with an empty
stare continues to monologue as if she is in the next crematorium that is under
attack.
SARAH
Be careful...the
Germans are coming!
Hold them...until
the bobbins are inserted in the columns...
No one will stand
in your way...
Crematorium IV
will go on forever...
Jews will
not be burned in the crematorium IV!
No one, no one.
A light shines on the stage and the a distance sound of an explosion.
SARAH
That’s it!
It is over!
Jews will not be
burned in crematorium IV!
No one... no
one...
Sarah heads for the window of the cell as if she wants
to see outside. The she turns to the audience and monologues.
SARAH
Death is
near...in crematorium III...
Motionless
bodies everywhere.
Yellow stars
painted in blood...
Dreams
extinguished.
Generation
uprooted.
Race tortured.
Human blood
unjustified!
Abraam gave birth to Isaak, Isaak gave birth to Isav and Jacob...
Monis, Leo,
Elieh, Tzeki, Joseph,
Toivi,
Varuh...you will not give birth to anyone!
Random shot guns are heard and then total silence.
Sarah brings her finger in her lips as if she wants to
tell the audience to be quite so she can hear every bit of sound. Then she
unrolls an off-white cloth from her body that looks like a scarf and she covers
her head.
SARAH
May His name be
praised and sanctified
The whole world
that He developed according to His will.
Many male voices as a chorus reply.
"Amen"
SARAH
May His kingdom
be canonized and bring forward His redemption in order to accelerate the coming
of His Messiah.
Male chorus replies
"Amen"
SARAH
During your life
and your days and during the life of its people Israel , sword, hunger and
death ( with emphasis and duration) may they be missed from you as well as from
the whole Jewish nation, in the centuries to come.
Male chorus
"Amen"
SARAH
May His big name
be blessed for ever and for eternity!
Blessed and glorified, praised and honored, worshiped the name of the Saint, the One and only.
Blessed be His name for the consolation that He offered to the people.
"Amen"
SARAH
He that makes peace in heaven, He will make peace for
us and his people in Israel.
With slow moves Sarah folds the scarf on her body and
with steps that are heavy she moves to the bench of the stage and she sits on
the edge of it, towards the audience singing.
Your eyes I will not see
Country you of my body and my mind!
The hands that touched me, my hope lost, will stay
forever open, until His breath judges
he sins that I have not sinned!
And if it was for me to be born again, you again I
would have loved, my lost love
Jerusalem of the world that I have not lived.
Jerusalem, you, of the world that I have not lived.
Sarah tired leens to recline on the bench, with her
face towards the audience.
ACT II
The
life she did not live.
The light go out and whe they are lit
again on the bench there is a contour with paper indicating where her body was,
while Sarah movws free on stage with the audience having the impresion that she
"came out" of her dreams.
The scene that is opposite
of the audience, with the projector, the
beautiful picture of postwar Thessaloniki is shown (as long as the following
song lasts) and Sarah dances to the sound of music that is heard, while she sings.
SARAH
In the beautiful city that I was born, there,
I’ve hungered for your love!
In her empty
streets, I walked during midnight, hearing the promises of the night, that
charmed me.
Your lips I’ve
hungered, your eyes I’ve missed, they will revive my hope, lost in my parents’
ash!
I will stay here
waiting for you, my love, until you join us again the happy voices of children,
who will never give birth, my dear!
The
dance ends, the projector shines on Sarah's face that looks happy.
Sarah
reaches her hand to "meet" the hand of Jaque telling him.
SARAH
Come on Jacque
my dear!
My parents are
waiting for us!
Yes, I know that
It is not
right...
But you see I
cannot wait.
The dawn will
go...
The train that
brought us to this point does not turn back...
Just come and
bring unjustified souls
Souls like
flakes that melt on the black sun which gave the bottomless abyss of varlkyries
that only a human soul can give birth!
Sarah
bows towards the audience as if her parents are standing in frond of her.
SARAH
My beloved Eliah
Nahmia accept Jacque Menahem for my husband!
He is beautiful!
He is brave!
He was wounded
with a bullet to the heart, standing, as the brave die during a battle!
My beloved
father, cover yourself at night with my thought and remember from time to time
that you had a daughter that was called Sarah.
Sarah moves a little as if she is talking to her
mother.
SARAH
Natalie Nahmia, my beloved mother, that I will not see
your face again, accept Jacque Menahem as my husband and as a father for the
children that I will not give birth to!
Don't look at
the bloody shirt.
In his heart
lies the whole world that he did not give me.
The songs that
he did not tell me, life did not manage to make it water to drink to health!
Moooother!
Where are you my
sweet mother!
Moooother!
A
whisper is heard of an trembling old woman's voice.
May God
bless you and take care of you.
May God shine
His face upon you.
And show His
grace to you
And give you
peace.
SARAH
Mother, my sweet
mother, thank you!
SARAH
Μπαρούχ ατά Αντονάι, Ελοένου ,μέλεχ αολάμ ,ασσέρ κιντεσσάνου μπετιτσβοτάβ ,βετσιβάνου λεαντλίκ νερ ασσέλ γιόμ ακιπουρίμ.
(Ευλογητός Εσύ Κύριε,Θεέ μας,βασιλιά του κόσμου,που μάς ευλόγησες με τις
εντολές σου και μάς πρόσταξες να ανάβουμε τα κεριά του Γιόμ Κιπούρ).
Sarah moves towards the stage and stands there where the projector shines
like Chupa "touching" with her right hand Jacques
"shoulder" and with dancing steps begins to move in a circle around
him, having all the time her hand on his shoulder while she says one verse at
her foul rotation.
1. Eyes of my
soul,look how my eyes stare at you.
2. Breath of my breath and my last breath!
3. Man of my life that I did not have the chance to know!
4. Father of my children that I will not give birth to!
5. My brace, you, in the life that I will not live!
6. Shelter, you, of my house that I will not know!
7. You were a dream lost in dreams of my generation lost, Jacque Menahem,
my beloved!
When the seven circles around Jaque end, Sarah with
her face towards the audience "drinks" from the cup and says with a
loud voice.
SARAH
With your voice
that has silenced, beloved, repeat after me.
"Here, with
this ring you are devoted to me under the laws of Moses and Israel "
Sarah stretches her
right hand and "wears" the ring that Jaque puts in her hand.
Then
she kisses the "ring" that "Jacque" put on her finger,
kneels at the center of the stage puts her hands together as if to pray and
says loud and clear.
SARAH
Ευλογητός,Συ,Κύριε,ο Θεός ημών,ο χαροποιών την Σιών
δια των τέκνων αυτής!
Ευλογητός,Συ,Κύριε,Θεέ ημών,βασιλεύ του κόσμου,ο δημιουργήσας χαράν και
ευθυμίαν,γαμβρόν και νύμφην.
Ας ακουσθεί εις τα πόλεις της Ιουδαίας και τας οδούς της Ιερουσαλήμ,φωνή χαράς
και φωνή αγαλλιάσεως,φωνή γαμβρού και φωνή νύμφης!
Then
Sarah reaches with her hand wearing the ring to touche Jacque's hand and starts
to dance calling with her other hand the "guests of her wedding" to
immitate the dance.
The music fills the place and Sarah moves between
black and white shadows, that emerge from the projector and depict the walls of
the cell as they dance.
And
as the shadows move more and more quick, Sarah watches the tension of the dance
until jaded she falls on the stage in front of the audience.
The
shadows on the walls fade, the cell remains in silence and Sarah slowly gets up
and moves towards the dark walls of the cell as if she is looking for the
shadows that are gone.
Hitting
with her palms on the walls of the cell, as if she wants to break them she
starts to speak petitionary.
SARAH
Where are you?
Where have you
gone?
Come back!
My wedding is not
over!
Life is not
started,cannot end!
Come Ruth!
Myriam!
Where are you
Myriam my beloved sister?
Feeling very
cold, my sweetheart?
Drink from my
wedding wine to get warm!
My mother, where
are you?
I still want you
next to me...
Only a few hours
left...
Few hours of
torture...until everything start from the beginning!
After a vain search of shadows, Sarah comes in the middle of the
stage with both hands catching the belly, as if to keep the fetus who weighs.
SARAH
Jacque my dear,
your son does not calm down...
From this
morning swims in the waters of hope and eager to see the light of the sun
that hide forever, my beloved!
It’s been a long
time since I’ve seen the sun.
In Hell there’s
not light,my dear.
Shadows
monk and memories that hurt.
But what is the
meaning of it all?
My son will be
born any way in the memory of those who will learn about me, for you.
Jacque, Joseph,
Moses son and daughters of Israel !
You will suffer,
you will learn, you will scream , you will shout...no more sons and daughters
of Israel !
After a vain search of the shadows, Sarah moves to the
center of the stage and with her two palms touches her belly as if she holds
the pregnacy that is heavy for her.
SARAH
O my son..
The Lord is thy keeper.
The Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.
The Sun shall not smite thee by day,nor the moon by night.
The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil.
Be shall preserve thy soul.
The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time
forth,and even for evermore.
When
Sarah finishes the "writting" she goes and stands at the center of
the stage. She stays still for a moment and then she folds holding her belly as
if she is giving birth.
As long as the pantomime of birth takes place Sarah
slowly unfolds a white scarf from her waist and begins to wrap it in a form of
a doll, tightening the end as if it was a baby's head.
Then
she holds gently the doll and begins to sing a lullaby.
SARAH
Light from the
light of my eyes sleep in my arms and I sing a lullaby for you.
Sleep my sweetie
and drink the milk of my soul.
Listen to my song
and don't let your soul hurt.
Mother is
fleshless and dried up the milk!
“Nani,Nani”
my baby, sleep well.
(Touching with her
cheek the baby's head)
Then
Sarah takes the "baby" and goes in front of "Jacque".
SARAH
Jacque, come to
see your son!
Flaunt for your
first child!
Just to know
that my next baby I want a girl (with charm)
Isn't that
right Jacque?
Yes,I know you
want baby boys...many baby boys!
Israel shoots
off the accelerator, Jacque!
Can you hear?
Shallow the
ashes of my children Jacque.
I just can’t
take it anymore, Jacque!
Sarah bends and embraces her "baby" to
protect it, singing a lullaby.
When the baby falls asleep Sarah leaves it on stage and goes to
"Jacque" "facing" the audience.
SARAH
Jacque we must
pick a name for our child!
Don't you think?
And how will we
call it?
Sarah walks on stage for a while and then stops and
screams.
SARAH
The mother will
give birth to the child who did not, she calls it Israel , Jacque!
And it’s only a
child, Jacque.
It’s a rock,
it’s a sword, will hope for the children who will never die again on the
accelerator, Jacque!
Are you
listening to me, Jacque?
Never throttle
the children of Israel Jacque!
Sarah is skeptical , approaching the "child" holds it in her arms
and says...
SARAH
My sweet boy,
your santak (godfather) is here.
I leave you in
his hands!
May Prophet
Eligia bless you and protect you!
Sarah with her child in her arms moving in the middle of the stage and heard the prayer of male circumcision.
CIRCUMCISIONIST
Ευλογητός Συ,Κύριε,Θεέ ημών,βασιλεύ του κόσμου,ο
οποίος ηγίασες τον αγαπητόν Σου Αβραάμ από κοιλίας της μητρός του και νόμον επί
της σαρκός του έθεσες και τους απογόνους του εσφράγισες για συμβόλου ιεράς
συνθήκης.
Χάριν του θεσμού αυτού,Θεέ ζων,μοίρα ημών,βράχε ημών,δια διαταγής σου ευδόκησον
να σώζονται εκ του ολέθρου οι εναπομείναντες της αγαπητής αγίας γενεάς,χάριν
της συνθήκης,την οποίαν έθεσες επί της σαρκός ημών.
Then Sarah, quietly repeats.
SARAH
Χάριν του θεσμού αυτού,Θεέ ζων,μοίρα ημών,βράχε
ημών,δια διαταγής σου ευδόκησον να σώζονται εκ του ολέθρου οι εναπομείναντες
της αγαπητής αγίας γενεάς,χάριν της συνθήκης,την οποίαν έθεσες επί της σαρκός
ημών.
ACT III
EXODUS
The lights fade, Sarah asleep on the bench. But the flashes and explosions
that follow make her sat on the bench "seeing’’ to the part of spectators.
SARAH
The punishment
is approaching, death will devastate the annihilator and I will be absent.
My generation
will be absent at the time of punishment.
My parents, my
brothers and sisters will be absent and all our people who wear the star of
hope, in part of their hearts!
When the door of
my cell opens my executioners have planned a particular death for me, they
would hang me, told me, to see what all prisoners suffer and those who stand to
collect the tips of their fingers gunpowder!
Sarah gets up from the bench, paced the stage and stops in the center
staring at her hands. Then she says aloud.
SARAH
If I did not
have fingers, the gunpowder would gather it with my tongue and if they had cut
my tongue again ,would gather it with the eyelashes that I do not have!
I have nothing
left!
They have taken
everything from me! The man that I could not marry, the children that I would
not have, the life that I would not live!
And what was
mine is my desire to die differently, from main hanging rope of my redemption
a world full of nightmares.
Sarah silent for a while, she
falls on her knees, leaning her body forward and then whispers.
SARAH
You ask me if I
am afraid of death.
I am not afraid
of death anymore.
I fear oblivion,
a forgetfulness of the Jews who perished needlessly and became ashes in Vistula
.
I fear oblivion,
for those who sowed terror among the people of God!
Oblivion dread
time for a crime that did not barred forever!
So before
opening the door of my cell and I stop to exist among you, I want to remind you
that no one will ever get hurt again!Never!
Sarah gets up slowly, upright, the cell door opened and a steady pace
behind her lost as the cell door closes again.
The End
